Why Thinking You Deserve Something Is a Prison for Your Mind
If you deserve or do not deserve, are you resisting reality?
Have you ever thought:
Why does this happen to me?
I don’t deserve this.
Did it help?
Of course not. Events don’t care about what you think. They happen.
When you think you don’t deserve something, you blame events. You get into a quarrel with reality. You resist life because it didn’t meet your expectations.
You don’t deserve anything. Use this idea to liberate yourself from the shackles of expectations.
“I deserve” stands for limits
We’re great builders of walls. Some of them are concrete, some abstract. Thinking about what you deserve sets up a cage for your mind.
You can deserve something good or something bad. Either way, you think what you have is not good enough, or you want something more for what you did or how you behaved.
Does it matter what you think you deserve?
The reality is that there is nothing from what you can expect your rewards. It happens that you get compliments for being kind and bad grades for being lazy most of the time. Is it always working like this?
No, because there is no institution in the universe being able to provide you with your claims. What you do is focus on the process and count for the best.
Recently I wrote an article I’m really proud of. I thought I deserved praise for it. It’s structured and well thought out. When I finished it, I felt terrific. I already saw all that views on the medium statistics page.
Almost no one read it. Did I forget I need to reach people with my work? That a chance for my article to go viral is tiny? No, I felt I deserved it. I worked hard, and I told myself I deserved the success now.
When the success didn’t come, it dissapointed me. My motivation fell off the cliff and dived into the abyss.
This is how you create a cage for your mind. When you think you deserve something, you set up the expectations for things you have no control over. They’re outside of you. They’re not your responsibility. Almost everything can happen, and most things can strip you from what you want.
Simple way to enslave your mind
You may never get the results you want, even if you put greatest effort. Focusing only on the outcomes is a trap we fall into so often. We relate our happiness to a new car, a higher salary or more readers.
We tend to think our predicted results are inevitable. We allow ourselves to be mistaken on how long it will take to get them, but we’re sure someday they’ll come.
False.
We have control over our actions and thoughts, but outcomes in the real world are outside of our control. What happens happens.
Don’t get me wrong. Something will happen if you take action, but you can’t be sure what and how many things at once.
When we think about what we deserve, there is an implicit assumption that it will happen. If we believe we don’t deserve something, we assume it’s unjust to us.
We stand in front of life and say, “I don’t like you.” Moment after moment, resisting the only thing we have, the present.
Imagine you’re reading this story on your phone. You have an internet connection, possibly a medium subscription. You decided to pay with your time to read this.
How many things have to align for you to be able to do that?
Countless number. Starting with me writing this, ending with people thanks to who we have stable internet connections. Reading this requires work from thousands of people and hundreds of years of ideas.
Yet, it’s not hard to focus on whether someone honked at you earlier in the day or called you a loser. We tend to shift our attention to things that aren’t right, completely forgetting how many of them are.
Hiring our brain to concentrate on things you should get is focusing on what you don’t have. There is always more you don’t have. It’s easier to notice.
Escape the prison by digging a tunnel
Have you ever heard El Chapo escaped the prison through the tunnel? You can use the same idea to sneak out of yours.
Think about how many things you have access to? A loving partner, living parents, a place to sleep, a car, food, and water.
If you deserve them, are you grateful?
It’s hard to feel gratitude for the things you have taken for granted.
Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants
– Epictetus
To start digging your tunnel, focus on wanting what you already have. Appreciate the situation you’re in. Find things you’re grateful for. Focus on getting the most out of life.
Support the tunnel so it won’t collapse. Love the process of going where you want to go instead of thinking about what you deserve. Take whatever it’s you’re getting and cherish it with full attention.
No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.
– Seneca
If one of the supports collapses, would you think you don’t deserve it, or would you fix the problem?
You’d fix the problem by replacing the support. Actions are better than frowning upon reality.
I think my work deserves appreciation. These thoughts about grandiose ideas of being a writer, respected, and admired are in me. Recently I managed to add a little spice to them. When I write, I focus on what the process gives me, not how people will receive my work. I know I’m doing what I should be doing. Universe has a place for me, and I’m in that place when I write.
Lay down tracks to move faster in your tunnel by paying full attention to what you’re doing. Think about why are you getting up from your chair. Why are you reaching for that glass, and why are you saying what you’re saying?
Dig your tunnel to expectations free existence bit by bit. Start with gratitude. Next, focus on the process and meditate about all the little things you do.
Summary
Whether you think you’re deserving or undeserving, you should be careful with having expectations about reality. It’s easy to focus on things we don’t have and lose the opportunity to celebrate the ones we do.
The thinking loop of lacking something is a perfect prison for your mind. It’s like a hamster wheel. You need to get off it to notice you weren’t going anywhere. You were only ruminating about things you deserve or not.
Punctuate your day full of tasks with conscious thinking about what you’re doing and why. Observe your thoughts.
Where do they come from?
Identify the ones giving you a headache and let them go. You’re not obliged to entertain them. Think more of what you have. With time it’s going to be easier.
